I’m writing this as my incredibly health son starts three days of 学級閉鎖 (class shutdown) for the flu rampaging his class. It’s common practice in Japan that if a third of the students are sick to shut down the class to prevent the further spread of infectious diseases. Needless to say: Working parents hate it! We are fortunate that we are both in jobs where we can work from home if needed. And as I mentioned, my son is not stricken with the flu and is generally very 元気 (full of energy), sometimes too much. So in the great scheme of things, I’m grateful of how things turned out!
Whilst I try to keep him off the Nintendo Switch, I’m trying to work out an issue with a client over an upcoming Points of You® Academy programme in February. After cancelling programmes in 2019 due to not meeting the minimum requirement of 6 people, I find myself having to stop ticket sales as we are overflowing the room at 10. Argh! What should I do?
It all reminds me of working at Wall Street Associates (now en world) after my first maternity leave and I was put in charge of Client Relationships and organising “Leaders of Japan” networking events for our C-Level clients. I was reporting directly to the CEO, Nick Johnston. As we were drawing up the lists of potential guests, I started to panic,
“But Nick, what if too many people come? What if we are over subscribed?”
“What? Why are we worrying about Champagne problems?”
“Huh?” My blank face showed him I had no idea what he was talking about.
“This isn’t a problem. It’s great! If we are oversubscribed, brilliant! We can create a waiting list, we can run another event at a later date. We know that we have really hit the nail on the head and the clients love this idea.
“That’s a champagne problem. Not a problem at all but an opportunity. Next!”
A quick search today on google shows me that the term “champagne problems” generally seems to be another way to say #firstworldproblems, talking about the scale and impact of your “problem” in the context of wider social issues like conflict, poverty and so on.
However, I prefer Nick’s view and the lessons on reframing and giving yourself the option to think about the opportunity to achieve more than you thought was possible.
I often talk about champagne problems with Japanese managers in the midst of organisational transformation. When we have an organisational culture with a tendency to focus on what might go wrong, to avoid risk by not taking any, we keep ourselves in a holding pattern.
“There is freedom waiting for you, On the breezes of the sky, And you ask “What if I fall?” Oh but my darling, What if you fly?”
We should not be a Pollyanna and be blindly optimistic but allowing room for an exploration of the upside of success can be thrilling, motivating and, most importantly, give opportunities for further innovation and brainstorming.
I also hear clients complain about the challenges of working with a team that is “too diverse”. Again, I am like “what?! You are having creative conflict and you have a chance to really leverage the benefits of different perspectives. Champagne problem! Next!”
So next time, you hear someone complain about being too busy because of too many customer requests, or having to take time out of their schedule to onboard their new hire, remind them of the idea of champagne problems and ask them how they can reframe this as an opportunity.
I’ll remind myself that I can enjoy some quality time with my son and enjoy his company one on one for the next three days! #champagneproblems
What type of situations might thinking about champagne problems be useful for you?
So how did this lass from Bury, in the north west of England, become so interested in this Japanese concept of Ikigai?
Of course, moving to Japan in 1999 with proximity to the culture would be a simple explanation but I did not become aware of the concept until 2017. It was only after I discovered my Ikigai that I discovered Ikigai.
I wish I had known about it in 2015. It really was my “annus horribilis”.
The year began with me laid up in bed with a slipped disc. Agony whatever I did, unable to lie comfortably or move around, unable to take care of my family or commute on a crowded train to Tokyo to go to work. I could not sit or stand. Lying down was not even that much respite. I endured some terrible physio that probably made the issue worse before I asked around locally and finally found someone who could help.
But during these weeks as I struggled with pain and felt let down by my body for the first time in my adult life, I started to sink into depression. I cried when I could not carry my infant son, or even do simple jobs around the house, I could not play with or comfort my daughter. There were no more impromptu dance parties, tickle fights or circus skills. I was never a great cook but now the act of shopping, cooking and cleaning up was more than I could handle.
Who was I as a mother?
So to my husband. He had to take on all the caregiving, as well as his full time job. As a Japanese salaryman, even at an enlightened company, the fact that he could not do overtime every day was beginning to take its toll. And as for intimacy…well, that was very far from my mind. And not only in the physical sense. I had no energy to listen to his troubles, no fire in my heart to support and cheer him on. I was locked in my own suffering and frustration.
Who was I as a wife and partner?
And then my work. Truth be told, I was glad not to have the commute. Something had shifted in my engagement and satisfaction. I had been with my company since 2004. They were challenging but enjoyable years. However, after my second maternity leave I came back to a different job, with a different boss. And to be frank, I was underperforming in my role. I had no fire in my belly for the work. More importantly for the first time in my career I did not feel a sense of belonging and camaraderie with the people on my team. I could not see where the role would take me.
Who was I in my career? What was my role in the firm?
In the key places where I defined my identity, (mother, wife, professional), I felt a failure. I felt I had nothing to offer.
There were a few bright spots. I had an incredibly supportive network of women through my leadership of a Lean In Circle, a peer to peer networking group, that I founded in Tokyo. I also had the camaraderie of my local running group although obviously running was off the cards during this period.
With perfect 20:20 hindsight, I see that the slipped disc was a great way of getting me to slow down. I was forced to take stock of my life and what I valued.
The slipped disc was certainly a real issue. I have the MRI scans to prove it. I can’t help but think that I was sending myself a warning. Something had broken inside me and I could not get out. Be warned, gentle reader, that I will talk a LOT about listening to your body. The signs that our parasympathetic nervous system sends us are an incredibly valuable message.
Then slowly, slowly, the pain relief started to work. I was able to return to “normal” life and pick up all those roles again. But the seed had been planted and the nagging thought in my mind was there.
“Without these things, these roles that I thought defined me, who am I? Why am I here? What is my purpose?”
Big questions with no easy answers. And as a harried working mum with a young family, they were questions that were easy to ignore.
Around the time that I started to recover, I had dinner with a friend, Renee.
“How are things?” she asked.
“Not so terrible” I said, trying to reframe my current situation, to put it in perspective of my #firstworldproblems. I wanted to remind my self that in the great scheme of humanity that as an Oxford educated, white woman in a white collar job in Tokyo with a healthy family, a lovely house and many options and support, things were indeed not so terrible.
“But darling, Jen! Not so terrible is not the goal. You deserve more. Everyone does!”
And then it hit me, that I was settling. I started to think about how it was possible to give myself permission to ask for more. It wasn’t greedy or self indulgent to want more and by aiming only for “not so terrible” I was holding myself back. By settling in a role that I wasn’t engaged in, I was also becoming a drain on resources in my firm. I was transforming into the very type of colleague that I most disliked: The safe, the bored, the clock in/ clock out, the ranks of the disengaged.
Was this the limit of my potential? Why am I here? What is my purpose?
Around the time of this dinner, a couple of other moments of clarity came to me. Once we start to pay attention, the messages start coming thick and fast. Perhaps that is why you are reading this now?
Realizing that I had been sent a wake up call in the form of a shut down of my body, I had decided to take action. I was working with Anne Good, an executive coach, and drilling down on these questions of purpose, strengths and life design. On our regular Skype calls, we focused on creating possibilities for potential next steps. I developed awareness of my unique strengths. I met fabulous people with really interesting jobs through informational interviewing. I clawed back the agency and control that I had lost over the last 12 months. I found that I was improving relationships within my team, meeting inspiring people with interesting stories and leaning into what I loved.
I attended a speech by Dr. Bob Tobin, author of “What do you want to create today?” and he asked the room “What is your dream?” And in that question, I had the saddest realization. I don’t have a dream. I can’t see beyond the hamster wheel of my work and family life. I am coasting, waiting for things to happen to me. I could not believe it but the truth was staring me in the face. I had given up on the idea of hopes and dreams for myself.
And yet, and yet… I started to see something, a power and presence in me that emerged when I was facilitating the LeanIn Circle. There was a monthly moment of flow. It was during those meetings that I felt the most energized. The most useful. The most me.
From these insights about strengths, possibility, dreams and flow, a new perspective emerged. There might be something else out there for me that could work!
I announced in a session that I wanted to return to L&D and to pursue options in facilitation and coaching. Anne, my coach asked me, “What if you stay in this job and spend the next 6-12 months studying to be a coach?”
Shudder – it was a visceral reaction, the churn in my stomach. I may have even been a little sick in my mouth! Overwhelming feelings of dread at the thought of showing up every day and becoming a little more broken each month.
But then, the practical side of maintaining the status quo held me. What would I do instead? How could I make a living? I was terrified of that too.
This is where I realized the importance of all those informational interviews. Meeting diverse people who can suggest options of how to live or choices to make that you did not know were possible. I met with Ted Agatsuma, an experienced HR professional who was now working as a consultant. I bemoaned the jobs which I had seen on the market in L&D and Training.
“I want to be a practitioner, Ted. I want to be in the room with people and see the aha moments with them!
“The only way that is going to happen is if you set up your own company and freelance,” he told me in a very matter of fact way. And just as the words “I can’t set…” started to come out of my mouth, I stopped myself. What if I could? What might it look like?
And from that moment on, it was all systems go. With the support of my family and the promise of paying my half of the mortgage for a year from my husband, I set about planning the launch of my sole proprietorship.
I had dinner with Ted on February 26th, 2016. Resigned in early May and the business was launched on June 29, 2016 with the help of the first professional I hired, Yasuko Mori, who remains my wonderful and supportive Tax Accountant.
Looking back on my personal experience, I see how useful it would have been to use the Ikigai framework. Once I had a clear understanding of what I loved, what I was good at, what I could be paid for and what the world needed, I was able to take action. Once I worked out what would make me jump out of bed rather than battle the pain of a slipped disc, I was able to start moving forwards.
So as I said, It was only after I discovered my Ikigai that I discovered Ikigai.
We were absolutely stumped on one of the missions in the Tokyo Metro: The Underground Mysteries over the new year. The four of us just could not work it out. The kids got gradually more crabby and we could see the sun getting low in the winter sky. Finally we admitted defeat and opened the page with the answer.
Which I will not reveal – NO SPOILERS!
It was so frustrating not to be able to work out how the answer was reached. Even though we knew where we needed to go next we didn’t know why. (reminds me of my post on when hitting goals feels like failure!) There was a niggling annoyance and disappointment. But time was ticking and it we needed to get moving. Oh well!
Before we got ready to leave the cafe, I popped to the loo. As I was washing my hands, suddenly I had a flash of inspiration. Could it really be that simple? Was it possible that that was the answer?
“Hey, DH, you know the thingy does it have a whatchamacallit on it?!” (I told you no spoilers!)
And, yes, it did! We understood how to solve the puzzle. I felt so light and happy!
We all know, in theory, that when we are stumped by a problem we need to create some distance, allow the brain some time to access it. Last week was a really perfect example of this unconscious processing in action.
“Unconscious processing” is the third step in James Webb Young’s 1965 classic “A Technique for Producing Ideas“. And we’ve all experienced it! You know the feeling of the Eureka moment- having our best ideas in the shower, whilst taking a walk, doing something completely different to just let the brain do its job without things being so hard. It really questions the point of brainstorming in meetings and exposes why it is so hard for teams to be innovative in those environment.
As a side note, I recently heard Emily Aarons on James Wedmore’s podcast talking about why that whole water on the head in the shower is such a great way to have ideas – an interesting idea of the power of chakras if that floats your boat! I’ll take the magic and the science – whatever helps!
How to apply Unconscious Processing in daily life?
What ideas are you finding tough at the moment? Where have you been working hard but not seeing any new connection or inspiration?
It might be time to step away from the whiteboard, post its or screen and create some space for unconscious processing.
With no scientific proof, here are five simple ideas to make like Elsa and let it go!
Find water – take a bath, jump in the shower, sit on the loo, walk by the river, go for a swim, wash your hands – Find flow!
Take a hike!… or a walk, or climb the stairs, go for a run – get some exercise endorphins to move your brain into a new state
Get your hands dirty – sketch, colouring in for grown ups, play with modelling clay, legos, play a musical instrument – focus on some different parts of your body to forget about your conscious brain.
Pause – ah yes, the Points of You® favourite for transitions, shifting energy and opening up to inspiration. Mindfulness, meditation, or just sit and listen to some music.
Would love to hear your ideas about unconscious processing in the comments!
Want your team to discover unexpected but precise connections? Points of You® Experiences are great places to unlock new perspectives and innovate in an inclusive environment. Take a look at some of the corporate workshops (including finding your individual and corporate ikigai) or contact me to set up a meeting to create a custom made workshop for 2020!
When did you work with Jennifer Shinkai (event, date, her role, areas of expertise)? How did she add value to your organisation?
Bosch Corporation Aftermarket Japan, Gasshuku – Management Bootcamp Nov. 2019: She provided facilitator role with concepts as Points of You®, 4 Tendencies and Appreciative Inquiry in Japanese and English. Focus on Self Awareness as the source of change that needs to enable the whole organization for the transformation in the Automotive industry.
Create creative ideas and sample process to MVP with out-of-box-thinking and Design Thinking Methods, customer centricity and fun in mind.
We all left the day of facilitation exhausted, but happy with a smile for the different perspectives we had a chance to enter.
What were her strengths as a facilitator/moderator/coach? How would you describe her style? What was it like to work with her?
Empathetic and strong in group management, Jennifer always knew what the group needed (we started with a meditation! :-)) and set the tone with different tools throughout the day.
Her bilingual language skills were highly appreciated and were one of the main reasons for many managers to actively participate throughout the whole day.
Why would you recommend her to facilitate workshops/ offer coaching for other organisations?
Great input from various different sources, I met Jennifer due to a Ikigai workshop, which I thought we could do with our management group, but in the course of preparation, we realized it wasn’t the right thing. She has a huge toolset of different methods to unveil more potential in your group.
Any other comments? Questions or Ideas?
Highly recommend Jennifer, great investment of budget and time into a more inclusive and empathetic team !
Joo-Seuk Maing AA/SMS-JP, Marketing Director, BOSCH Japan
In November I attended the Mashing Up Conference again. I really love this event because it’s “cool”. It has a casual vibe and is just a bit edgier than your average D&I “empowerment” conference. The team do try to bring some different ideas to the stage as well as some local legends.
I was happy to join two discussions where I could listen to the wry and laser sharp insights of one of those legends, Chizuko Ueno, Professor Emeritus at the University of Tokyo who used her entrance ceremony speech as an opportunity to shine a spotlight on the reality of institutional gender discrimination in Japan. Ueno sensei has an amazing delivery style where she challenges with the sweetest, most innocent question that just stops other panelists in their tracks. It is magic to watch!
In the first session, Ueno sensei talked about the family structure – here is the info from the Mashing Up website.
“Families that get along forever = wonderful.” This value is strong in Japanese society, but it is also true there are people who are suffering due to their family relationships. What should families be like, including people who are alone, people caring for family members, and husbands and wives having different family names? Those things will be reconsidered.
One idea in particular struck me in relation to my work on Ikigai and creating long and healthy lives worth living.
Talking on the subject of 介護 (elder care), Ueno sensei mentioned that she is hearing many adult children say
“I will look after my mother because I love her. But my father?! No way! I can’t stand him.”
It struck me as such a sad and terrible view. I thought about all the fathers who have been focused on their companies with no time for their families. The result is fathers who are so focused on financially supporting the family that they become alienated from the lack of relationship.
Men’s ikigai and their role in the family
A few weeks ago as part of my Ikigai research, I met with Dr. Akihiro Hasegawa, Associate Professor at Toyo Eiwa University and an ikigai researcher. He told me a similar story. Japanese men who live in multi-generational households with their sons after retirement report a decrease in their ikigai. Dr. Hasegawa explains that this is because their ikigai was so tied up in their self identity as the breadwinner, the head of the household, that when the generational roles shift, they lose their sense of self and purpose. Dr. Hasegawa’s research shows a strong link between having an ikigai and better health, slower onset of dementia and so on.
(As a side note, I asked if there was any impact to living with adult daughters and the answer was no. It seems that the father’s ego can survive that relationship into old age!)
Again, this idea of isolated fathers struck me as so sad and yet also so avoidable if we can change the working style and support people living different types of partnerships at home with an emphasis on family first. Glen Wood is doing a lot to raise awareness on パパハラ(Papa Hara – paternity harassment). It isn’t easy for men to ask for permission to break from the サラリマン salariman stereotype and spend time with their families. But the social and personal costs of isolation in old age for these types of people are no longer sustainable.
What do you think?
How can we start to address this problem? Some efforts are being made at the policy level but what can private enterprises and individuals do to support a healthier and happier second life and what might be the positive impact on society from that.
I remember learning early in my career that it takes 21 days to form a new habit (although that myth may have been busted). I think we can all agree that it takes much less time to break one.
Over the period of the Rugby World Cup my sister and her family visited us. Absolutely amazing experience for us all and I had a whale of a time! With an extra 5 people in the house, and a packed schedule of sightseeing, eating Japanese food and drinking beer and sake, it did not take much to get me out of my morning ritual.
I usually wake up around 5:30-6am and then either go running with my running club or do yoga at home. Wake up the kids at 7 and they are out of the house for 8:10. In the evening, depending on the day, I pick up the youngest around 6pm, dinner at home, bath and bed by 9pm. We have days clearly defined for screen ok and no screen days.
Well, a staycation with kids at school, threw all of that out of the window.
And I really felt the difference.
Whilst we were certainly getting our daily steps in, and I did have an amazing time the fragility of my system became clear. So this got me to thinking about some of the ways that work for me and my coaching clients to get things back on the habit horse. There is no size fits all so use this list as inspiration!
And if you want to look at habits more deeply in your team, contact me to set up a Four Tendencies Workshop. Great for individuals and people managers alike.
Getting back on the Habit Horse
Make it the default – eat the frog and do it first. It is not about a choice but like tooth brushing something that you do without fail.
Prepare the night before – this is about creating ease. For example, last night, I laid out my running clothes, plus my clothes to wear for the day. I was intentional in my choices after a week in casual sightseeing wear to want to be “coordinated” and colorful.
Don’t break the chain – similar to the default above but there is a great feeling of seeing the days add up on the calendar. Get visual about it and you might be able to see the impact. And there is something great about saying, “Wow, I did X everyday for Y days”. Take a look at Outrun Cancer for an inspiring take on this.
Make it easy – going to the gym requires too many steps for me! Registering initially and then getting out the door, to the gym, possibly joining a class. So I workout at home, and just choose the most recent session. I love doing plans like Yoga with Adrienne: 30 days of Yoga (coming up live in January every year), or one of the Nike training courses where you get told “do this today”.
Make the activity a reward in itself – very much of the idea of Be Kind to Your Future Self. How luxurious to spend time doing this task! How wonderful will I feel when I am finished! How clear my mind will be!
Multipliers – I came upon this in a Lean In Circle meeting which focuses on how you can combine multiple activities into one. This is not the same as multitasking but about thinking about bigger goals or values that you have and how you can combine your activities to support those goals. For example, my goal was to find ways to refresh my energy during the workday, stay fit and connect with my friend (also a colleague) so we arranged a weekly lunchtime run on a Friday. We could talk as we ran, felt energized from the endorphins after even a short 20 minute run. Think about a couple of goals and values that are important to you and work out ways that you can combine 2 or more together in an activity. It is easier than you think.
What is the MVP? Minimum Viable Product is a lean startup term that helps us to consider what the minimum feature set required to get feedback from customers is. Having an MVP for your habit might be doing 3 minutes of mindfulness instead of 20, limiting coffee intake to the morning instead of quitting completely, committing to calling 5 customers instead of 10. Whilst your real goal and regular activity level might be more lofty, you will gain from the quick win and instant gratification of doing something. This can be a powerful motivator to exceed your goal and do more. If not, at least you started and an MVP is always about iteration. Just Ship It!
Count to 5 – this is Mel Robbins 5 second rule It has worked very well for me about getting out of bed in the cold winter mornings. I even changed my alarm clock to 5:55 (Go, Go, Go! in Japanese) to reinforce the message.
Be kind to yourself
It’s easy to beat yourself up when you let a habit slip and I know that I did. But shame is not a helpful energy or emotion to drive growth. Instead, analyze the why and think about how you can most easily put one of the habits back into place today.
Even if it not a “full” display of your habits, even if it is not a perfect version, your first action is to ship it. To climb back on the horse. Get started!
But maybe I don’t want to anymore
Everything happens for a reason right? A slipped habit might be a good time to check whether this habit is still necessary. They might not even be useful or important to you anymore.
So when you find yourself feeling at sea and that your rituals and habits are no longer anchoring you it is good to ask yourself the following coaching questions.
What makes this ritual or habit important to me? What goal is it supporting?
Is that still important to me?
What would happen if I stop? How does that feel?
If you feel lighter, released, then it might be time to say goodbye or to reframe this habit!
Still want to continue? What can I do to reintroduce this habit? What will make it easy to do? What is the MVP I can start with today?
When will I check in with myself to track my progress on reintroducing this habit?
Want to learn more about how you and your team can create Habits? I deliver a 90 minute to 4 hour workshop on Gretchen Rubin’s The Four Tendencies Framework. Fascinating with great takeaways for individual and people managers about motivation, communication and how to get stuff done!
What do you think?
How do you get yourself back on track? As always, would love to see your comments and ideas below!
Whilst I’ve done plenty of public speaking and a couple of YouTube videos (Thrive Tokyo and about the Wor Watthana Muay Thai gym in Thailand), I’ve never been on a podcast! I’m always talking about the importance of getting used to hearing your voice as other people hear it but hadn’t recorded myself recently – time to walk the talk.
So I’m delighted to announce that I’ve just been featured on the Transformations with Jayne Podcast. You can find it over on iTunes Episode 58 or over at Anchor with lots of different ways to listen. It was a great experience to talk informally about a whole host of topics. Jayne was a member of the Lean In Japan Entrepreneur Circle that I ran from 2017 to 2019 so it was great to catch up with her as well!
In this episode we talk about: The recent typhoon and flooding How Jennifer came to be in Japan What is “ikigai” Points of You® coaching Hope you enjoy the discussion and there are some useful ideas for you!
If you’d like to be featured in my book about how you integrated your ikigai, please contact me through the website to share your story!
Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.
What struck me the most about Frances’ story is the way that starting the gym and now building the house was not part of a grand plan, just a series of steps that took her to this point. A great example of the dots joining at a later point. It really shows the importance of being open to opportunities when it comes to your ikigai, to saying yes, and to trying things – done is better than perfect and perfect is the enemy of execution! Greatness was thrust upon her and she rose to the occasion.
Frances’ love for the sport of Muay Thai led her to Thailand and ultimately led her to her life’s passion of helping the local children in this small, rural town in Thailand become more confident and disciplined through Muay Thai and her gym. But more than that, she has become a Saint to lead the community in a new direction and give hope and support to local kids who are struggling in a very tough environment. She empowers them to become more confident, more disciplined and most importantly, believe in themselves to achieve their goals, all through the support of Muay Thai, her coaching and the safe environment her gym provides.
The purpose of the interview was to highlight the work she has done and to seek support for raising money to build a new gym to continue to support these kids and their dreams.
Regardless of your interest in Muay Thai, Thailand or martial arts, this interview is a just a great experience to learn how anyone can help change the lives of others in very small ways. Frances has helped people in a very big way so all I ask is that you please watch this interview in its entirety and consider helping her cause. Thanks for your support.
This month I completed my first Spartan Race Trifecta – which means that I finished three different race distances: Sprint (5km+), Super (12km+) and Beast 21km+) in one calendar year.
Woo hoo, right? Well done, Jennifer! Awesome job!
Regular readers know that I love Spartan Races (inclusion, diversity and CSR)! The last two years, some of my most memorable moments, greatest friendships and biggest laughs have come whilst Obstacle Course Racing. I’m a huge fan of the brand and the experience and always recommend the experience to others.
Getting a Trifecta should have been an amazing moment of pride for me.
But it wasn’t. When I reached the finish line, the achievement was not all it seemed.
A bit of back story: This was a goal that I had set myself in February 2019. I was specific that I wanted to do it in Japan and not travel overseas so I had a hard limit beyond my control in terms of timing and scheduling. I had “no choice” but to race Super in May, Sprint in July and the Beast in September.
Maybe it was because after 8 hours and 46 minutes of endless inclines at Gala Yuzawa Ski Slope, I was suffering from exhaustion so great that I had nothing left to celebrate with, but getting that medal was not all I imagined it to be.
I had made the plan. I had organised the logistics. I had trained regularly.
So why did I feel so empty?
After breaking it down with some self coaching processes, and with my own coach, these are my learnings about why sometimes achieving the goal is not as great as you thought.
When my goal is purely about the outcome, I forget about the process and all the interesting growth and learning that comes with that. I didn’t get better at the obstacles, develop new skills or get any stronger. Was I a better Spartan at the end of the year? In honesty, I can’t say that I saw any change…and change was what I really wanted.
When the stated goal is not really the goal that you want. This goal ticked all the SMART goal boxes but achieving it ended up feeling not that great. Why? Because it wasn’t really the goal – it was SMART but actually what I want for myself is health, strength, energy and growth.
When I make the goal about the reward, the reward might not be as awesome as I expect. My medals are cool and yes, I can now connect the three parts together but, at the end of the day, it’s just stuff. How important is it for me to have a physical manifestation to validate and recognise my achievement? It’s lovely to look at but is it necessary.
When I make the goal about ticking a box (do the three races) and forget to think about the why. It can feel empty to achieve the box ticking.
I need to check in whether my goal is a “should goal” or a “gift goal” and reframe accordingly. I think I might have moved towards the “should goal” in this case.
If FOMO is ruling my goal setting, I’m not sufficiently emotionally engaged to do the hard work.
And maybe the most important point – have fewer expectations! Just be!
So how about you? When did you hit a goal and go “huh? Is that it?” Do any of my learnings explain why you might feel that way? Would love to hear your comments and ideas.
It’s time to advance from thought to action. We draft an action plan or To-Do List that outlines the necessary steps and sets the timetable for realizing our insights.
“Tachles”is a word often using by Points of You® Tribe members. Yaron Golan, co-founder of Points of You® told us at the 5 day training programme in November 2018, “Originally, Tachles is a German word, in Israel it is commonly used as slang, meaning “the bottom line of doing”
“This is the excel sheet behind our dreams.“
I really love this connection between the pragmatic and the creative.
We can think and think and dream and dream. We can create our vision boards, talk about how we want the world to be but until we take the first small step to action, it is nothing more than a dream.
And we need a plan – to outline the steps and reflect on our progress. Maybe we need to pivot later if we find out that the action did not have the expected outcome.
Countless times in my life I have hesitated, I’ve been led by fear. Fear of failure, looking stupid, losing something precious to me. I remember when I set up my business in 2016 – no clients, no experience in the training room for 7 years. What was I thinking? And yet, each small action, each meeting allowed things to grow, to make something from nothing, to integrate my ikigai and do work that I truly love, am good at, can be paid for and that the world needs.
I remember learning a valuable distinction about two types of fear from Tara Mohr (seriously, this book was a game changer for me I read it in March 2016 just as I was about to hand in my resignation. Forever grateful to Tara and her team for their support!)
Next time you are in a moment that brings fear: 1. Ask yourself: what part of this fear is pachad? Write down the imagined outcomes you fear, the lizard brain fears. Remind yourself that they are just imagined, and that pachad-type fears are irrational. 2. Savor yirah. Ask yourself: what part of this fear is yirah? You’ll know yirah because it has a tinge of exhilaration and awe -while pachad has a sense of threat and panic. Lean into – and look for – the callings and leaps that bring yirah.
The thing I like the most about using the Focus Notes in Points of You® is the brevity. Pocket sized, you can stick onto your desktop, your fridge, your mirror or wherever you need to be able to see it.
And they are simple.
What can you do in 24 hours? 1 week? 1 month?
Will it be a conversation with a key stakeholder? Or a change in your sefl-talk?
Something to start doing? Something to stop doing?
A one-off action or a habit-creation?
(I offer programmes on Gretchen Rubin’s The Four Tendencies if you want to learn more about how to create habits for you and your team members. I really find this concept to make so much sense and now leverage my Obliger tendencies to build in external accountability to help me deliver on those habits. Contact me to find out more)
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